You might have the goal of leaving your job or changing your career at some point, but what if it feels like it's taking too long? How do you make things better in the meantime?
At Booth Careers, we tend to recommend working to make things better before leaving anyway, if you can. I recall daydreaming about the day I would finally give my notice at work. At the time it seemed like anything would feel better than another day in that office. In my head, I chalked up my being disengaged and unhappy to the J.O.B. I wasn't at all focused on how I could make things better for myself where I was or in looking at my own role in my unhappiness at that point. I just wanted to leave.
A job we don’t like is a bit like a petri dish of our triggers and all the thoughts we have that don’t serve us. The same way we'd examine that gross little petri dish under a microscope to diagnose what's making us sick, we could do a little exploration of our own brain to learn a bit more about what's not working at work.
Now, why would we want to do this, right? Well, one reason is to attempt to make things less unbearable for you now, and another is to make things less unbearable for you later. Whether you stay or go, you’ll still be hanging out with yourself and your same brain. So, if your work problems are rising up out of a feeling of not being good enough, or not belonging, or not being validated, respected, or if you’re having trouble not taking feedback personally, for instance, that’s all going to come with you to the next place. In the same way, we might believe that if we were taller or smaller or had better hair, we would be happier, we think that if we could only change our job, we would finally feel good about our self. What tends to happen is that we’d simply become an unhappy person with better hair, or a taller unhappy person. See what I mean? I believe the best approach if you’re considering a job or career change, is to have the mindset that the point is not to run away from something terrible but rather to move towards something amazing. There is a distinction here. But how do you know the difference? The way to tell is by paying attention to the reasons for your decision. Is your reason that you’ve convinced yourself you can’t cope with your boss or is it because you’re super excited about moving on to a new challenge that you’ve been dreaming of? Get clear on your reasons and then ask yourself if you like them. Change fueled by a connection to love tends to lead somewhere better than change fueled by fear, shame, unworthiness, etc. Your Perspective and Your Mindset Clearly what I’m talking about here relates to mindset. At the end of the day, we all need to have our own back. We do this by recognizing that we can cope. We can cope with the bad boss or the feedback that stings. We do this by reminding our self that we get to decide what we make our work situation mean. We can always do this. We can remind ourselves that we can actually handle feeling terrible for a time. We actually can feel like hell and not die. We don't have to resist any of it. Sometimes simply giving yourself permission to feel the way you feel is exactly what you need. Then you can show yourself a bit of compassion for Pete's sake. You can also remind yourself that you are a very resourceful, capable person. You know things. You can figure this out, even if you don't have all of the "how's" right now. Of course, you can always ask for help but this doesn’t have to mean that you're helpless. Notice how when stress rises in us we seem to forget all the ways that we are capable and immediately stop giving ourselves credit for, well basically anything. We go into a state of feeling helpless telling our self things like "I don't know" and "I'm so confused". It's all complete nonsense. My challenge for you this week is to find one or two ways to make things better exactly where you are now. It's okay to want to leave but I want you to leave because you're moving on to something wonderful, not just leaving something that feels terrible. What role are you playing in your own unhappiness at work? Are you still trying to morph yourself into a people-pleasing machine? Maybe now is a great time to practice not doing that. If you're planning on leaving, maybe you feel a little less like you have something to prove. Can you use this to your advantage and work on your boundary-settingtalks muscles? Can you try leaving work on time, taking your lunch break, not engaging in some of the negative water cooler talk, or saying yes to everybody all the time?
Now before you draw a blank on how to make this happen or resist the idea of attempting this all together, consider this. Your brain is probably going to want you to believe you don't know how you would ever do these things or that you're confused about this. You're actually not confused, and you do know. You always know things you can try, you always know one or two actions you could take. Believing you don’t is your brain’s way of conserving energy, of avoiding something that feels risky, of taking the path of the least resistance. This is normal but you can be on to yourself. You can feel at least a little better about your work immediately—no matter your situation, starting with the understanding that you are not powerless. That you are not only a victim to your circumstance. When you start challenging the thought that you’re stuck, you open the door to possibility. This is often the first way to feel better at work. Here’s to feeling better about work, thanks for reading. Christine :) I know something brought you here and maybe it was a search for what to do next about your career. There are a few ways I can help:
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Sarah took the Make Work Better quiz and said this:
“Christine! I wanted to say thanks. I completed the quiz and then it clicked: I don't feel my contributions are recognized or valued by my employer. Time to have a tough conversation and make some decisions. Thanks for the nudge.”
Kim, a one on one coaching client had this to say about working with me:
I followed Christine on social media for quite some time before I reached out so I felt confident that she was the right coach for me. I’d recommend her coaching for anyone who feels stuck in their career and doesn’t quite know where to begin – anyone looking for accountability and motivation to change. Working with Christine led to a huge shift in my thinking about the level of power I have over my personal contentment. What I liked best about working with Christine was that I felt safe – she is genuine, honest and supportive – so I was able to be vulnerable and easily share what I needed in order to move forward. Her constant reassurance that it’s okay to continue exploring, shifting and changing as I grow was invaluable for my piece of mind. Most importantly, Christine believed in me when I had trouble believing in myself. She helped me truly internalize that no matter what obstacles and challenges arise, I can persevere and continue moving forward.
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