Booth Careers-Counselling + Coaching offers one-on-one, private and confidential career coaching. Located near Oakville, Burlington, and Hamilton but with services offered virtually, it's a convenient way to get professional career support.
If you're like me, some of the things you look back on most proudly had an element of "hard" to them. Raising kids, learning to play hockey (badly) in my 40s, writing a 6 hour exam to achieve a professional designation. These things all required that I do some things I didn't always feel like doing. I had to feel some things I didn't want to feel. The truth is though, the whole reason I did these things was because I wanted to feel something. I didn't have kids because I wanted them to eat all my food and take all of my money. I wanted to feel something. I didn't learn how to play hockey so I could spend hundreds of dollars on equipment that would let me fall on my face over and over again. No, I wanted to feel something. Same with the 6 hour exam. It was really hard but I WANTED to do it for lots of reasons that I liked and that felt good to me. Feelings are a big driver, right? After all, they are why we do or don't do anything. They are what compel us or have us running for the hills. Most of us don't love to think about or feel our negative feelings much. Fair enough. Anxiety, embarrassment, shame. Ugh. Those feel hard. No thanks, right?
The Absence of Feeling is Worse
Negative feelings aren't the worst thing though. The absence of feeling. That's much worse. That's depression. That's loss of hope. I'd take hard over that any day. Especially hard but worth it.
Negative emotions are also half of the human experience. There's no avoiding them. This is why it's important to pay attention to which feelings you want to act from and which ones you don't.
It can go like this: we don't feel fulfilled by our work and spend our days thinking about how unfulfilled we are. All that thinking leaves us feeling even more "meh". We try to think our way out of it --maybe do a little career research but tell ourselves things like "What's the point? Nothing will be better". It's turns into a weird self-fulfilling prophecy thing. A chicken and egg cycle of feeling too unfulfilled to even think of doing anything fulfilling. Having your feelings dictate how you spend your days might be working well for you. If you're feeling generally content, peaceful, and fulfilled then chances are you're spending at least some time thinking in ways that are serving you, you're probably doing things that feel worthwhile. You're probably more open to doing and trying things that continue to fuel your more helpful outlook. What if you're not feeling hopeful? What if your current outlook isn't particularly helpful? What if you're feeling stuck? What if you've tried to make changes to your work, career, life but have lost your motivation, are afraid, or feel confused about what steps to take? What if every time you try to move forward you second guess yourself and then stop?
If you're feeling lost when it comes to your career, you'd probably give anything to have somebody show up with a plan. A plan to help you avoid all the things that are going to feel hard. A plan to help you do all the things you already know how to do but don't because you don't want to feel afraid, or embarrassed, or anxious, or uncertain. You might be thinking that a tidy list of lots of busy action steps will help you remain motivated, act in spite of your fear, and feel confident in the steps to take. It will provide the certainty you seek. But you could get the plan and still lose motivation, become afraid of taking the next step, or start to feel confused or uncertain or anxious or believe the steps are too easy to actually work. What then I wonder? Well, I see this happen quite a lot. I see folks start to second guess themselves or the plan and then stop. They still stay stuck. Even with a plan. Staying stuck has an upside. Just like washing a car doesn't fix the engine, you have to lift the hood and work on what's actually not working. It's not the plan that's missing. I love a good plan. You will still need a plan but it's not necessarily the action plan you have in mind. Change requires that we practice shifting how we see things, our reaction to things, and how we experience our feelings. Part of our plan might actually be to learn how to connect our feelings to our behaviour. For example, noticing that when we feel stuck we don't make decisions because we believe we're confused. The upside to this is we don't have to take a risk, or do the hard thing we fear or dread. Being confused or stuck actually feels just a tiny bit better.
Change tends to require that we follow a plan, and not our mood for a while. It requires we do things that feel hard even when we're tired or not in the mood, or think we don't have enough time or for some other reason.
But when your plan includes taking a minute or two to question things you just believe to be true but might not be, you open the door to possibility. In what ways is there plenty of time?
How can it be true that you actually DO want to do the hard thing?
In what ways is what you want for your career or life hard but worth it?
When you flip this switch you can start to believe in the actions you're taking, you'll take them even when you feel afraid, even when you don't feel motivated, and you'll stop hiding behind confusion. You won't stop. You won't do everything perfectly but you don't have to. But you'll need to do things--especially at first that you won't feel like doing. This is what change requires. Changing your job, changing your career, letting go of things that aren't serving you to make room for what does. See? Hard but worth it. Change doesn't require unnecessary suffering though. That's the part I help with. I've been in the business of change for over 20 years. We use supportive processes to make things feel a little less hard. We focus on the results you want to create and make sure they feel incredibly worthwhile. Then it's done.
Hard but worth it.
Cheering you on,
Christine
I know something brought you here and maybe it was a search for what to do next about your career. There are a few ways I can help:
Learn more about how to work with me
Follow me on Instagram
Take the FREE Make Work Better Quiz
Sarah took the Make Work Better quiz and said this:
“Christine! I wanted to say thanks. I completed the quiz and then it clicked: I don't feel my contributions are recognized or valued by my employer. Time to have a tough conversation and make some decisions. Thanks for the nudge.”
Kim, a one on one coaching client had this to say about working with me:
I followed Christine on social media for quite some time before I reached out so I felt confident that she was the right coach for me. I’d recommend her coaching for anyone who feels stuck in their career and doesn’t quite know where to begin – anyone looking for accountability and motivation to change. Working with Christine led to a huge shift in my thinking about the level of power I have over my personal contentment. What I liked best about working with Christine was that I felt safe – she is genuine, honest and supportive – so I was able to be vulnerable and easily share what I needed in order to move forward. Her constant reassurance that it’s okay to continue exploring, shifting and changing as I grow was invaluable for my piece of mind. Most importantly, Christine believed in me when I had trouble believing in myself. She helped me truly internalize that no matter what obstacles and challenges arise, I can persevere and continue moving forward.
Comments