I hear of this thing that happens.
We hit a certain age--I'm seeing a range from 45 to 55ish but it could be earlier or later, when something seems to kick in. It's been described to me as a restlessness, a boredom. Some folks have told me they've looked up from their life and had the thought "what now?"
It might be that the kids are more independent, the house is in order, the job milestones have been achieved. Things that used to fill the day are either no longer required or feel meaningless.
Sure it could be midlife crisis, empty nest, or the first time in many years you've had some time for yourself on your hands. Whatever it is, it can leave a person feeling a little lost.
Feeling Lost
What I hear from folks who come to me describing this new or strange sense of feeling lost is that they're not quite sure what to do about it.
Here's what I have to offer:
Feelings are Nothing to Fear
First things first, remind yourself that feelings are all okay. I would also like to add that "lost" is actually not a feeling. It's likely that you're feeling sad, confused, bored, restless, uncertain, frustrated or something else. It's okay though. Feelings are supposed to be there. Negative emotion isn't always a signal that there is an immediate problem that needs to be solved. It might mean that this is a season of introspection, bittersweetness, or even discomfort for you. All part of being a human person in the world. The goal here isn't to try to avoid or remove these feelings. The goal is to better understand what these feelings are trying to tell you.
One way to learn a little bit more about the feelings you're experiencing is to pay attention to how they show up in your body. Getting curious about the sensations and vibrations in your body rather than trying to avoid, ignore, or resist them can help them feel a little less intense, overwhelming, or scary. The thing about emotions is that you have to experience them. It's not possible to think your way out of an emotion. There is a very effective exercise I offer my clients that helps give you something to do with your feelings while you're feeling them. I'm happy to share it with you if you like. Reach out via my contact form and mention you'd like a copy of the "Processing Emotion Exercise" and I'll email it to you.
Thoughts Create Feelings
Having an understanding of how what I'm thinking about influences how I feel has been life changing for me. This is where curiosity comes in again. After you've spent some time letting yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling and had some time to process it, you can take things a step further. If you can, try to notice what it is you were thinking just before experiencing a feeling. Practice making the thought-feeling connection. Try this with a range of emotion. When we recognize how powerful our thoughts are, we can even start taking an inventory of things such as "is this thought true?", "is this thought serving me?'. I'm not suggesting that you try to change anything. Just notice. Just allow. Be curious.
Curiosity Versus Judgment
This practice of being curious, letting yourself feel how ever it is you're feeling, and connecting the thought-feeling can be pretty powerful. Practicing a curious approach will also make you less likely to view your current circumstances through a lens of judgment. This is important. It sets you up to be much more compassionate towards yourself.
Questions
Now, let's go back to the original questions that spurred this article in the first place. The question that most folks bring to me to help them answer is this:
What now? What's next for me?
A Place to Start
I suggest starting broad. Let's borrow some definitions from author Elizabeth Gilbert. The thing that's going to hit the spot for you might just fit in one of the following categories:
Hobby
Are you looking for a hobby? A hobby is something that you do for fun. You don’t have to be good at it. You just have to enjoy it.
Job
Are you looking for a job? A job is transactional. It's an exchange of effort, skill, time, or labour for money. It doesn't have to be fun. You don't have to love it, you don't even have to like it. It may be something to simply help you meet some sort of financial or other goal. It might even be used to help you fund or explore a hobby, a vocation, or a career.
Career
Are you looking for a career? A career is a job you are passionate about. A career is something you are willing to make certain sacrifices for because it feels worthwhile in some way. For example, you might be willing to invest in schooling or move to a new city to be able to pursue it. It satisfies something that drives you deep in your bones.
Vocation
Finally, we arrive at a vocation. A vocation is, as Elizabeth defines it, a calling. It is something that is innately calling you. For her, it was writing. A vocation can't be taken away. It feels like something you just can't not do. You might get paid for your vocation or you might not. A vocation can turn into a hobby, a job, or a career. It also doesn't ever have to.
I think I've given you some food for thought here. I hope it's helpful!
I know something brought you here and maybe it was a search for what to do next about your career. There are a few ways I can help:
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I followed Christine on social media for quite some time before I reached out so I felt confident that she was the right coach for me. I’d recommend her coaching for anyone who feels stuck in their career and doesn’t quite know where to begin – anyone looking for accountability and motivation to change. Working with Christine led to a huge shift in my thinking about the level of power I have over my personal contentment. What I liked best about working with Christine was that I felt safe – she is genuine, honest and supportive – so I was able to be vulnerable and easily share what I needed in order to move forward. Her constant reassurance that it’s okay to continue exploring, shifting and changing as I grow was invaluable for my piece of mind. Most importantly, Christine believed in me when I had trouble believing in myself. She helped me truly internalize that no matter what obstacles and challenges arise, I can persevere and continue moving forward.
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