There’s a part of my brain that believes if something doesn’t feel awesome, something has or is about to go terribly wrong. This can present a challenge when there are things I want to do that feel uncomfortable.
Things like making a career change, for example. Change often doesn't feel awesome. Neither does staying the same sometimes, of course.
Booth Careers is obviously in the business of change. We help people with their career changes, large or small. I believe being open to change is a skill that will serve us all well. When it comes to career change, warming up to the idea that it's becoming less and less likely that any of us will stay in one comfortable job forever is immensely helpful. There are so many beliefs conditioned into us that increase unnecessary suffering when it comes to career or any change for that matter. Even changes that many would agree sound wonderful...say, like winning the lottery, would also bring along a host of required decisions and changes that would likely freak us out to some degree.
My brain's protective reaction to change has served me sometimes, of course, and I like to regularly thank this part of my brain for keeping me safe and alive.
I also like to frequently redirect this part of my brain when it tries to keep me comfy at the expense of my personal or professional growth. Growth is uncomfortable. Change can be uncomfortable. When I want something for my life that requires it, part of my brain resists this with fervor.
So, rather than automatically making my brain freaking out mean something has gone wrong, I try to get a little curious about it, and maybe even redirect it. This is how:
I look for my “hard why”.
To find my hard why, I take a good look at why I want the result I want. Why do I want to make a change or work towards a specific outcome? I’ll grab a pen and paper and ask myself these 4 questions:
Why is creating this career change important to me?
What will it cost me if I don’t?
What discomfort will come up and why is it worth it?
What would make it even more compelling?
I start imagining the future me who has achieved what it is I want and take stock of why this is compelling. I review this often. If I've been thoughtful about wanting what I want, it's truly in my best interest, if it's coming for a place of love for myself then I move to the next phase.
If I like my reasons for wanting change, I make the decision to go all-in on it. This isn't to say I do rash things or risky things. What I mean is I take the other options off the table or put them in a box up on a shelf. I work on comforting the voice that is mistaking uncertainty with danger. I remind myself that feeling uncomfortable is not a "gut" feeling I need to worry about ignoring. I am safe. I sell myself on my reasons. I understand that my brain's primary objective isn't to ensure my happiness. It's objective is to keep me safe. When in doubt, my brain will always see a highly venomous snake in what could easily be a harmless stick.
By doing this, rather than believing my natural thought of “I don’t want to do this <<uncomfortable thing>>”, I remember that I actually do. In the moment, some of the actions required might not feel great but I can choose to remind myself why I DO want to take them. I can try to find ways to make them more enjoyable. I can show myself compassion and love and patience. Sometimes getting excited about things takes a little work. Expecting that this should happen naturally is nothing short of setting our self up for failure.
My clients are often relieved when I tell them that their brain freaking out about something doesn’t always mean something has gone wrong. Often, they’d been telling themselves that they shouldn’t have been feeling uncomfortable about their decision to make a change or pursue some sort of goal or result. At some point, they adopted a belief that if things didn’t feel easy, it was somehow a problem and a reason to give up on getting the thing. Of course, we can always decide that pursuing something isn’t worth what we have to give up to get it but please make it a choice. Like your reasons for it, then let it go. Work on minimizing unnecessary suffering. We can make peace with letting go of something and decide to not make this mean something terrible about us. Get some help if you need it, but decide so you don’t have to suffer through the indecision and back and forth. Doesn’t that also feel terrible?
Yes, yes it does.
What do I mean when I say that our brains freak out at the thought of doing things that we’re not super excited about doing? Let me tell you how it shows up...
This is how:
We become confused.
We get very worried.
We become overwhelmed. Indulgent Emotion
We indulge in thoughts and feelings that aren’t helpful. We might notice that we’re indulging in these emotions frequently during times of stress. Indulging in an emotion means we stay in that emotion for a long time because it FEELS useful but it isn’t.
What I’ve been teaching for almost 2 decades is that this is another way a certain part of our brain tries to protect us. It feels safer to think we “don’t know what we want” rather than admit that we do know but are scared we can’t have it. That feels SUPER uncomfortable. Our brains are good at trying to protect us from that.
How can you tell if you’re indulging? Well, the result is usually that we are stuck. We feel paralyzed or overcome.
As noted, the most typical emotions we indulge in are confusion, worry, and overwhelm. Pay attention to these guys. They’ll trip you up if you don’t.
So, anticipate discomfort. Notice worry, confusion, and overwhelm. There’s no need to be shocked, surprised or caught off guard by these feelings. Expect them. Normalize them. Then you won’t stay stuck.
It's pretty darn normal to feel uncomfortable when it comes to trying a different way of being, making decisions differently, or growing personally or professionally. I took up playing hockey for the first time a few years ago, trust me, I know. I started every game feeling like barfing and ended every game feeling completely on top of the world. Let yourself feel that on top of the world feeling once in a while. It’s pretty great. (By the way, we almost always lost our games--totally not the point). :)
The same way the leaves change colours, so can you. Change is possible and can even be beautiful, if we give it a chance. Cheering you on!
Christine
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Kim, a one on one coaching client had this to say about working with me:
I followed Christine on social media for quite some time before I reached out so I felt confident that she was the right coach for me. I’d recommend her coaching for anyone who feels stuck in their career and doesn’t quite know where to begin – anyone looking for accountability and motivation to change. Working with Christine led to a huge shift in my thinking about the level of power I have over my personal contentment. What I liked best about working with Christine was that I felt safe – she is genuine, honest and supportive – so I was able to be vulnerable and easily share what I needed in order to move forward. Her constant reassurance that it’s okay to continue exploring, shifting and changing as I grow was invaluable for my piece of mind. Most importantly, Christine believed in me when I had trouble believing in myself. She helped me truly internalize that no matter what obstacles and challenges arise, I can persevere and continue moving forward.
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