Booth Careers is the career counselling and coaching company for folks who feel at a loss for what do to next. We offer virtual services across the globe. Located in Burlington Ontario.
I'm writing this on a Sunday and I'm wondering how you're doing. Gearing up for the work week ahead? Winding down after a weekend of relaxing? Working? Dreading another week of work you feel "meh" about? Pounding the pavement?
First of all, if you haven't read Part 2 of this series, you can find that here. However this end of the weekend is shaping up for you, as a career counsellor, I'm aware that for many, Sunday can come with at least a low level spike of anxiety. Your mind might be offering up a nice long list of things left to do. Let's not forget about all the things that should be different. Then there's also all the ways you should be better. Shall we top it off with how other people and reality should be something other than what they are.
Or, maybe that's just me. :)
What I want to offer, in the spirit of working on feeling better about things now (whatever that might look like for you), is this:
What if you could trust the timing of your life?
What if you could believe that things are exactly as they should be? Things left to do aren’t a problem, you’re as “better” as you ever need to be, and things, other people, and reality are too.
What if you knew deeeeep in your bones that whatever is going on now—even if you think it’s less than ideal, is as it should be?
What if you could believe that? How would that change what you think, how you feel, how you behave? How would that change how you show up tomorrow?
Let’s imagine that you believe that where you are now is exactly where you need to be. Nothing is wrong, you're not behind, things are as they should be.
You know this AND you can also decide that you’re in the mood for an adventurer to make a change. Not because change is better or required or necessary. You’re feeling curious about what could be next for you. You’ve got nothing to prove, there is no hurry, there is nothing to fix, there is nothing to run from. What would that feel like?
Trust the timing of your life.
I'm not saying don't grow or evolve or make change. I want all that for you if you do. I'm saying starting from neutral is so much easier than starting from negative.
What if you could trust yourself when it comes to knowing what to do next?
What if, no matter what, you knew that you’d be able to find solutions to any obstacle that could come up? I mean that even if the worst case scenario happened, you'd manage? How would this change you? How would this change your thoughts? Your feelings? Your behaviour? Think about that for a minute.
The quality of the solutions you come up with for any problem depends on the quality of the questions you ask.
Part of what makes me a great coach is that I know how to ask powerful questions. I also never believe a single thing a client tells me without putting it through a filter in my own brain first. I will never jump on your nonsense wagon. I don't jump in the pool with you or commiserate. That's what a bestie is for. Me doing that wouldn’t serve you at all.
You can train yourself to not hop on the nonsense wagon too. This part of what I teach. What this means is you can stop believing everything you think. You can start to question things, weed out what's not serving you. You can line up your thoughts with the results you want to create.
A great place to start is to learn to ask yourself great questions. To do this you need to practice questioning things—especially your thoughts. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this helpful? Do I really believe this? Do I want to believe this? Then answer.
People ask me how they can grow their self-confidence—this is how. Ask and answer questions you have yourself before asking somebody else. Learning that answers are not outside of you is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself. Stop believing that others are more of an expert than you —that they have all the answers and you have none. It’s not helpful and it’s not true.
My clients will sometimes ask me how to do something. My answer is almost always “yes”. It’s never the answer they want to hear. We’re so used to using Google that we’ve forgotten that we actually know stuff. We can figure things out, we're smart and resourceful.
I've learned we're hard-wired to try to have others do the heavy lifting. We're all programmed this way--to avoid pain, avoid discomfort, and conserve energy. We don't want to feel the pain of getting it wrong. Our brain would rather someone else do that. Confusion serves the same purpose. Our brain prefers confusion and remaining undecided. This way we're not the one who has to make the scary decision. If we're confused, we can't decide and we can't take action. It's much safer. It feels like an upside but it erodes our confidence and self-trust.
You Have Answers!
I’ve trained myself to have answers. I've been called a "know it all" more than once. That's okay. It's by design. It's not that I won't ever ask for help, I will. It's not that I'm never wrong, I am. I've learned that my confidence comes from believing I can trust myself to have answers. I can also trust myself to have self-compassion if I get something wrong.
So, I advocate for asking and answering your own questions. When you think you can’t, remind yourself that this is a thought error. You definitely know at least something you could try, to attempt to solve any problem. If you don't try to answer questions yourself you miss the opportunity to find out what you do know. You spend more time thinking of everything you don’t know, instead of “what do I know for sure?”
And so you have to train your brain to do this. You have to explore your own solutions. Not just the first answer, but multiple answers. If you could come up with five solutions, what would they be?
The more you ask yourself questions and then answer them, the more you will start to believe in yourself. This builds self-confidence.
Great decision-making comes from constant trial and error and evaluation. You have a question, you answer it for yourself, you act on it, you test it and then you ask yourself what’s next.
Want to feel better about where you are now? Trust the timing of your life and trust that you know how to figure out what’s next. I’m serious. Do it. Now go into the new week with your mission. Let me know how it goes.
Cheering you on!
Christine
I know something brought you here and maybe it was a search for what to do next about your career. There are a few ways I can help:
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Sarah took the Make Work Better quiz and said this:
“Christine! I wanted to say thanks. I completed the quiz and then it clicked: I don't feel my contributions are recognized or valued by my employer. Time to have a tough conversation and make some decisions. Thanks for the nudge.”
Kim, a one on one coaching client had this to say about working with me:
I followed Christine on social media for quite some time before I reached out so I felt confident that she was the right coach for me. I’d recommend her coaching for anyone who feels stuck in their career and doesn’t quite know where to begin – anyone looking for accountability and motivation to change. Working with Christine led to a huge shift in my thinking about the level of power I have over my personal contentment. What I liked best about working with Christine was that I felt safe – she is genuine, honest and supportive – so I was able to be vulnerable and easily share what I needed in order to move forward. Her constant reassurance that it’s okay to continue exploring, shifting and changing as I grow was invaluable for my piece of mind. Most importantly, Christine believed in me when I had trouble believing in myself. She helped me truly internalize that no matter what obstacles and challenges arise, I can persevere and continue moving forward.
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