If you’re already feeling unhappy about your work life, you’re likely not in a hurry to trade that for what you believe it will take to become happier:
Uncertainty.
A period of uncertainty is the replacement.
A lot of you tell me you want to do something different but you can't seem to find any other option that is guaranteed to be better than what you're doing now-well maybe winning the lottery.
So what can you do while you keep buying scratch tickets?
Because nothing you can think of feels better.
This is why you may be dragging your feet on making changes in your work. Even if it’s just a little. You’ll notice yourself saying things like “I don’t know” or “I’m confused”.
This is because we’re not taught how to comfort our own uncertainty.
Sure, we’re told things like “don’t worry, it will all be ok”, or “feel the fear and do it any way”.
The platitudes and forced positivity feel hollow and unhelpful.
You have to connect to something bigger. A result that IS guaranteed. If you decide to embrace uncertainty and pursue something different or more or better for yourself you need to focus on something other than the unknowns. Your brain instinctively mistakes the unknowns for threat. There is always the chance that things will go wrong but they could also go right. Your brain will always choose the former if you let it default.
This isn't about doing things that are risky and not well thought out. Be cautious, but not too "realistic". It's important to dream first, then make the plan.
Also, please know that feeling torn and having mixed emotions about change is a normal part of it. We know that change requires giving something up.
Change requires a series of decisions. But how do you decide between things when there’s no clear winner? What do you do when it feels like any way you look at it, there’s something you’ll have to give up?
First things first. Try not to use the fact that you feel torn as a reason not to explore change. It's not a reason to shy away from it, it's an IMPORTANT part of it. You're doing great. I promise.
Consider this:
What may be holding you back from making meaningful career change is your search for the “right” thing to do. You’re seeking certainty. You want to know that change will be worth it.
You want a guarantee that whatever you decide to do will make you happier than you are now. Otherwise, what's the point?
But you can't seem to find anything that comes with a guarantee. There are too many unknowns. What if I regret my change? What if it isn't successful? What if I don't pick the right thing or make the right choice?
Learn to Comfort the Uncertainty
What you're probably NOT looking at is the only thing you CAN guarantee. Which is....who YOU become during the process of it. Who YOU become in pursuit of or in response to the change. Some of the amazing by-products could be increased confidence, resiliency, self-compassion, self-trust, and growth for starters.
You may even start to strengthen your coping and problem-solving skills. And, don't forget about the adventure you can have by straying from the well-worn path. By learning to embrace uncertainty you may also become less afraid of it in the future and you'll prove to yourself that you create your own security.
By learning how to comfort uncertainty, by learning how to make decisions. By learning how to manage setbacks, disappointment, and fear. By learning to cultivate courage. By celebrating the heck out of the things that go right.
In other words, learning how to make your own guarantee. That:
No matter what.
Even if.
Either way.
You will be okay.
One of the most powerful things I have my clients do is to practice making decisions. Turns out, this is hard for most of us. It might feel hard for you.
We can get in the habit of letting others make the decisions for lots of reasons:
-to keep the peace
-to appear easy going
-because we think we don't have an opinion
-we believe we're good with any option
-we feel uncertain
-we value the opinion of others over our own
-we feel overwhelmed
-to avoid regret
-to avoid blame
We might not even notice we're doing this. It's become a habit. It can become easier and easier to say "I'll just have what she's having."
Practice choosing things.
Practice choosing things. Start small. Start with the insignificant. Make a deliberate choice. Maybe how you're going to spend your morning tomorrow. Even if you don't change a thing. Choose decision over default.
It’s all about connecting to what feels worthwhile to you about your life and then deciding to love it.
Learn to do a quick check in about your reasons for deciding things. Do you like them? Or, are you defaulting to the easiest or cheapest option, the one someone else prefers, what you think you should do, or what you think you have to do?
One of the biggest gifts my clients tell me they get from our work together is the gift of choice.
They learn how to see it. They learn to believe they have it. They start acting on it.
Decisions unmade will trip you up. More than high inflation, a terrible boss, a bad job, lack of schooling, or your age. Start making decisions based on things that are ALSO true. Things that matter to you. Not by only factoring in the "what ifs".
Learn what matters to you, what drives you, and how to stand firm in those...learn to make decisions from that place.
If you don't ever let yourself see choice, you’ll never have any.
Cheering you on,
Christine
I know something brought you here and maybe it was a search for what to do next about your career. There are a few ways I can help:
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Best career coach, Career Coaching Burlington, Hamilton, Ancaster, Milton, Oakville, Waterdown, Binbrook, Yelp best career counsellor. Career Change
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